Spring is all about transformation. DIgging yourself out, being reborn, emerging…the metaphors abound. But the whole point of a metaphor is to suggest a likeness between something you see and something maybe, well, less obvious.
Take butterflies, for instance. Maybe you remember your grade-school science? The hungry hungry caterpillar spins a cocoon, rests for a while, and then turns into a beautiful butterfly. Easy peasy, right?
Actually, it appears to be quite traumatic for the caterpillar. See, the caterpillar doesn’t just start growing wings and antennae and shaping its little body into its final form. It totally dissolves, except for its trachea apparently, and turns into a shapeless bag of glop. I don’t know if caterpillars, or mush, can think, but one can only imagine that anything in that situation might be thinking “What the $#%@!?”
People don’t change into mush, of course, but we still expect our own transormations to be linear and predictable the exact same way we expect giving birth to be. It’s not like that though, just like that baby is always, somehow, a freaking surprise.
So let yourself be that caterpillar. You may feel like snot on a stick, but it’s ok. Maybe you look the same as you always have, but inside you’re dissolving yourself in the roil of your own progress and it’s not pretty. You want to know what you’re going to be so you can believe in it, but you don’t know, and it feels like you’re eating yourself alive.
It’ll be ok. Really.
The point is, you do not know what kind of miraculous thing you will become, and it WILL be miraculous. It will be soar-in-the-air, sparkle-in-the-sunshine amazing.
Embrace the change.